The REAL Search For Alpha Trion
by plenoptic
Summary: Straight from the pages of New Beginnings comes the parody of The Search For Alpha Trion! Ever wonder how they make them fancy episodes? A guaranteed laugh, chuckle, snort, snigger, or getoffthesiteloser.


**Straight from the pages of New Beginnings...my version of The Search For Alpha Trion. Edited, because it got messed up in some places.**

"**THE SEARCH FOR ALPHA TRION, NUMBER ONE"**

**A PARODY! ****(Sorry if it's not word for word, I've only seen the episode once)**

**///-- censored content**

**(opening scene; Chromia and Moonracer have finished loading the energon cubes onto Firestar)**

**Moonracer:….we're talking about survival!**

**Chromia: Sorry, Elita's orders. Okay, Firestar, roll out! We'll be right behind you!**

**Firestar leaves, and the other two start towards the door**

**Chromia: Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?**

**Moonracer: Following orders.**

**Chromia: No, you're supposed to be a greedy /// and go back and take another energon cube!**

**Moonracer: Why do **_**I **_**have to play the greedy ///?**

**Chromia: I don't know, just do it!**

**Moonracer: Okay, okay! runs back and picks up another energon cube, takes a few steps towards and Chromia and waits Uh, where's the booby trap? I thought that weird box thing…**

**Chromia: What the ///?! Hey, who screwed up the props?**

**(back at base)**

**elita: holy primus it's about time you guys got back.**

**chromia: sorry Elita, but Moonracer ///ed up everything.**

**Moonracer: uh, what?!**

**Elita: How bad?**

**Chromia: As in we're gonna have a bunch of Cons swarming all over our ///es if we don't move it.**

**Elita: Let me go talk to...that old guy...if he's not totally hungover, he'll know what to do.**

**(goes to coveniently floating head)**

**Trion: Ah, Elita One...**

**Elita: Hey, old dude. What's your name again?**

**Trion: Alpha Trion.**

**Elita: Yeah. You. Moonracer ///ed up the mission, what should I do?**

**Trion: Move your ///es.**

**Elita--///, you're smart.**

**

* * *

**

"**The Search For Alpha Trion, Part Two"**

**A PARODY!!!!!!!!!!!**

**/// Censored content**

**(after Starscream and those other //// have captured Elita, because I couldn't think of anything funny for those scenes). **

**Monitor: beep beep beep.**

**(Optimus walks over and hits a conveniently placed button.) **

**Prime: Hey, babe, how ya doin?**

**Arcee: How are **_**you **_**doing, you sexy beast?**

**Monitor: beep beep beep again.**

**Prime: Hang on, love, got another call… (Presses another button) Yo, Megs! Been awhile, man, we still on for Saturday? Maccaddam's is totally calling!**

**Megatron: Hey, we're doing a scene, here, genius.**

**Prime: Oh yeah. Well, can you hurry it up, I've got Arcee on the other line.**

**Megatron: (clears throat) Okie dokie then. Optimus Prime, I believe I have something that might interest you…**

**Prime: Like, what is it?**

**(Screen changes to Elita)**

**Prime: ………………………………...**

**Megatron: Uh, dude? You have a line.**

**Prime:……Thunderblast? No, wait, Moonracer. No, Chromia! Yeah, that's it.**

**Elita:……. It's **_**Elita!**_

**Prime: Oh yeah! **_**Elita! **_**Let her go, Megatron!**

**Megatron: You want her, Prime? Come and get her!**

**Prime: Uh, dude, who are you? That's not the line!**

**Megatron: Just get your /// over here.**

**( the surviving femmes are in the destroyed base, lounging all over the place)**

**Firestar: What the ///, I can't believe the stunt crew forgot us!!!!!!!!!!**

**Moonracer: (jumps up) Hey, let's totally blast our way out!**

**Chromia: No ///, Sherlock, but how do we do it?**

**Moonracer: Let's totally use the energon cubes!**

**Chromia: Elita ate them.**

**Moonracer:……Oh. (sits back down.)**

**(Back to Optimus)**

**Prime: Teletran 1, I need you to severe the link with Arcee! Oh, and delete my address book, looks like Elita's coming back….and I guess I'll need the stupid coordinates of the space bridge, the /// producers forgot to give them to me.**

**(Goes to the space bridge location)**

**Starscream: You're going down, Prime!**

**Prime: Uh, wrong scene, man. I'm supposed to get here and be all like "Hm, there are no Decepticons protecting the bridge between Earth and Cybertron for some strange reason."**

**Starscream: Oh yeah. Byas, see ya in a bit then….**

**(leaves)**

**Prime: Okay. (clears throat) No sign of the Decepticons yet! (steps into bridge, little door slides closed behind him) (waits) OMG, who ///ed up the props again?! I'm supposed to be all like poof!**

**Hot Rod: (Backstage) Oh, sorry! (Hits button, Optimus goes poof)**

* * *

"**The Search For Alpha Trion, Part Three"**

**A PARODY!**

**/// censored content**

**BEGIN FLASHBACK I KINDA FORGOT TO DO BEFORE OPTIMUS WENT TO THE SPACE BRIDGE…..(SWEATS) EH HEH.**

**(optimus is standing in front of the Ark)**

**Prime: uh, hi? Someone open the ///ing hatch!**

**Voice from across the room: optimus!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Prime--///! Open the hatch, Elita's coming!**

**(Hatch opens, and he runs aboard)**

**Elita: Hold it right there ///!**

**Prime-- /// it!**

**Elita: I wanna come too!**

**Prime: No way, it's too dangerous! Jazz ate a whole /// load of beans, and you wouldn't believe the smell…**

**Elita: I don't care!**

**Prime: Okay, how about I promise to come back someday?**

**Elita: Define someday.**

**Prime: ….Anytime no one's trying to blow my ///ing head off?**

**Elita: Sounds good. **

**Prowl (from director's chair): Whoa, whoa, whoa! Elita! Little more emotion, there, love! You don't want him to go, do you?**

**Elita: Yeah, but do I have to do the little sobbing thing?**

**Prowl: Uh, yes!**

**Elita--///. (opens arms and says in monotone) I want to go with you.**

**Prowl: (Holy ///, this girl can't act.) Little more, Lita!**

**Elita: I WANT TO GO WITH YOOOOOOOOOOU!**

**Prowl: Beautiful! Prime, now you…WTF?!**

**(Ark is flying away)**

**Prime: Ironhide! Drop the bomb, drop the bomb!**

**(Bomb drops, everyone supposedly dies)**

**Elita: That little piece of /// just tried to kill me!!!!!!!!!!**

**END FLASHBACK. SHUT UP, OKAY?**

**(Optimus is poofing, winds up in Decepticon base.) (waits)**

**Prime: Hot Rod!**

**Hot Rod: (backstage) ///! Sorry!**

**(containment cube falls on Optimus)**

**Prime: Thank you!**

**Starscream: Like, OMG! We ttly caught OP!**

**Elita: (standing with guards) ……uh, what?**

**Prime: What's up with your voice capacitor?**

**Starscream: Like WTF, nuthins wrong w/ it!**

**Elita: Alright, who ///ed up the script?!**

**Sideswipe: (runs)**

**Prime: Just get on with it, man.**

**Starscream: OMG, frgt my line, lets just kill him.**

**(meanwhile…)**

**Ironhide: hey, WTF? What's Prime doing on Cybertron?**

**Powerglide: He had a scene/// head.**

**Ironhide: Oh. Don't we have to do something too?**

**Inferno--/// it, let's play Guitar Hero.**

**Other two: Yay!**

**(Back to Starscream)**

**(Optimus is hanging over pit of acid)**

**Elita: Hey, this totally means I get to live, right?**

**Starscream--/// no,///.**

**Elita: Aw, come on!**

**Optimus: Hey! You're supposed to offer your life for mine!**

**Elita: I didn't ask you to come and save me, you two timer.**

**Optimus--/// it!**

**Starscream: OMG, lets just ttly do this thing! Dude by chain, hit it!**

**(Dude by chain cuts it, Optimus starts to fall)**

**Prime: I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Elita: Too bad,///. This is what you get for leaving me behind on Cybertron!**

**Prowl: Cut! Elita, you're supposed to use your special power, remember?**

**Elita: Okay, okay, fine.**

**Prowl: Rolling.**

**(Optimus starts falling again)**

**Elita: Oh no. Whatever shall I do. Oh I know. Nooooooooooooooo. **

**Hot Rod: (smashes clock) Die, time!!!!!!**

**(Nothing happens, Optimus falls into pit of acid and dies)**

**Elita: OH ///!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Prowl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Starscream: OMG, WTF?! We won?!?**

**(PLEASE STAND BY SIGN APPEARS ON SCREEN, ACCOMPANIED BY THE ROBOT CHICKEN THEME SONG)**

**Cluck cluck cluck cluck, cluck cluck cluck cluck, cluck cluck cluck….**

* * *

**The Search For Alpha Trion: A PARODY! Part Four**

**/// Censored Content**

**(Robot Chicken music ends, and scene is set up once more. Optimus is once again dangling above a pit of acid, having been restored by the technical crew.)**

**Ratchet: Could you at least give me some more credit than that?!**

**(Sorry, Ratch. Anyway…)**

**Prowl: (migraine) okay, people, let's get it right this time…WHERE'S ELITA?!**

**Starscream: idk.**

**Optimus: (raises hands in questioning gesture, taking his hands off the bar in the process, and falls into pit again)**

**(Ratchet rushes to revive Optimus again, and Starscream begins texting on his phone.)**

**Prowl: What the /// are you doing?**

**Starscream: WTF, im just txting.**

**Prowl: Who?!**

**Starscream: idk, my BFF Jet?**

**Prowl: Well get off the /// phone!**

**Starscream: TISNF!**

**Prowl:….**_**What?**_** Just put the ///ing phone away!**

**Starscream: (grumbling, puts phone away)**

**Prowl: Okay, one more time…**

**(Stage is reset. Optimus is looking a little scared and pondering whether or not he just slag it all to Pit and get another job. Elita has returned. So has Megatron to his dressing room, incidentally…but we won't get further into detail than that.)**

**Starscream: Ok, dude by da chain! Cut it!**

**(Dude by the chain cuts it)**

**Elita:………………..oh, yeah! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**(Sunstreaker and Sideswipe flicker lights on and off)**

**Prowl: Cut! What kind of special effects are those?!**

**Twins: sorry!**

**(Scene rolls again)**

**Elita: Repeat, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**(Twins turn on strobe lights)**

**Prowl: CUT!**

**Elita: Holy ///!**

**Starscream: OMG, WTF?!**

**Prowl: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe! What happened to all the bright, weird colors? We have a "special power" activating here!**

**Sunstreaker--///it, ask Hot Rod!**

**Prime: Holy ///, did that little /// up the props AGAIN?!**

**Elita: He's not a little ///! I made out with him yesterday!**

**Starscream: ……………….OMG, TMI.**

**Prowl: Okay, okay, forget it! All of you Decepticons--freeze! Optimus, you freeze too!**

**Optimus: Uh huh. Because there's definitely a lot I could do besides hang here.**

**Prowl: Shut up! I see that mouth plate moving! Okay, roll!**

**(long pause)**

**Prowl:……….Um, **_**Elita?**_

**Elita: I thought time was stopped.**

**Prowl: THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU!**

**Elita: Ohhhhhhh. (runs and grabs Optimus's feet) Holy ///, he's so fat!**

**Optimus: Hey!**

**Prowl: Shut up, Prime! Just jump down, okay?!**

**(Optimus tries to jump down and lands in acid again)**

**Prowl: (groan)**

_**Meanwhile, back at base…**_

**Ironhide: I'm sure there's something we had to be doing.**

**Inferno: Yeah, like…I just know it.**

**Powerglider: (still playing Guitar Hero) I dunno, why don't we go kill some 'Cons?**

**Other two: Yeah!**

_**Back to the Decepticon base…**_

**(They finally got Optimus down, and once he is on the floor Elita starts giving him CPR)**

**Prowl: What the /// are you doing?!**

**Elita: The time thingy's still on him!**

**Prowl: Just touch him, moron!**

**Elita: (slaps him) Yo, Prime! Wake up!**

**Prime: Ow! You ///!**

**Elita: What'd you just call me?!**

**Prowl: I give up. Jazz, you take over.**

**Jazz: Sweet!**

**Elita: (lays down and props her feet up) okay, Prime, listen up. There's this old geezer named Alpha Trion. **

**Prime: …….Aaaaaaaand?**

**Elita:……………Line?**

**Jazz: "Only he can save my life!" Or some /// like that….**

**Elita: Whatever, just get me the /// out of here. These guys smell so ///ing bad!**

**(Prime picks up Elita's heels and begins dragging her across the floor in the door's general direction)**

**Elita: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CARRY ME, IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!**

**Prime--/// no, fattie!**

**Elita: Why you little piece of ///!**

_**At the place where the battle is supposed to occur…**_

**(long pause)**

**Powerglide: ……..Echo!**

_**(Echo, echo, echo….)**_

**Ironhide: Okay, I'm **_**sure**_** we were supposed to be doing something.**

**Inferno: Hey, look! I see Firestar! ……I mean, uh, oh my gosh! It's Firestar! It's been so long! I mean, I totally didn't just see you when we went on our donut break!**

**(Moonracer is shooting wildly)**

**Jazz: Uh, I thought she was supposed to be, like, a good shooter?**

**Powerglide: Nah, that's all in the script.**

**(Moonracer accidentally shoots him. Powerglide dies)**

**Moonracer: Uh, oops.**

**Jazz: Just keep going…**

**Moonracer: Riiiiiight. (Continues shooting)**

**(Moments later, Inferno dies)**

**Moonracer:…..Eh heh heh.**

_**Some desolate place in the middle of nowhere…..**_

**Optimus: TRION! HERE BOY! COME GET THE PRETTY FEMME!**

**Trion: Holy ///, what do you want?!**

**Optimus: I'm pretty sure Elita's gonna die.**

**Trion: And?**

**Optimus:…….**_**And,**_** I was hoping you could save her.**

**Trion: Why would I do that? **

**Optimus: You can have my donuts at the break.**

**Trion: Deal. Follow me.**

**(They go to his lab)**

**(Optimus tries to set her on the table, but misses and drops her on the floor)**

**Elita: OW,///!**

**Optimus: Oops. Sorry, my bad.**

**Trion: See? She looks fine to me.**

**Elita: No I'm not! Just stick to the script!**

**Optimus: Fine. (clears throat) Is there anything you can do?**

**Trion: When do I get the donuts?**

**Optimus: Just fix the ///ing femme.**

* * *

**THE SEARCH FOR ALPHA TRION**

**A PARODY!**

**PART FIVE!**

**WAIT…WHERE DID I LEAVE OFF?!**

**OH YEAH…I THINK TRION IS TRYING TO FIX ELITA…**

**Trion--///! **

**Optimus: Noooooooooo!**

**Trion: Shut up, moron, she's not dead!**

**Optimus: Oh. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!**

**Trion: (throws wrench at him) I can't find anything wrong with her. She's in perfect health. That'll be five grand, bud.**

**Jazz: CUT! Wrong line, Trion! You don't use that until you're fixing a dying Thunderblast and Starscream is a sobbing mess on the floor!**

**Starscream: WTF?!**

**Jazz: And you, flyboy! Get back to your ///ing scene!**

**Starscream: OMG, TISNF! BS!**

**Jazz: You're BS, now get outta here! Okay, Trion, work with me here! Only interface with Optimus can save Elita now…wait, did I read that right?**

**Optimus: SWEET! (Jumps on Elita)**

**Elita: Ah! Ah! Whoa!**

**Jazz: No, wait! Not THAT kind of interface!**

**Optimus: Damn. (Climbs off of her)**

**Jazz: I think it's, uh, interface with her power systems…**

**Optimus:….How the /// do I do that?**

**Trion: (jabs Elita's stomach) POKE!**

**Elita: Ouch! (little panel pops open) Hey, lookit that.**

**Jazz: Okay, roll line, Trion!**

**Trion: Optimus, only her interface with you can save Elita One's life… cuz you're systems or compatible or some /// like that.**

**Optimus: Okey dokey then.**

**Jazz: **_**Only my creator would know that…!**_

**Optimus: Oh yeah…Alpha Trion, only my creator would know something like that.**

**Trion: Luke--**

**Jazz: OPTIMUS!**

**Trion: (huff) Optimus---I am your father!**

**Optimus: Noooooooooooooooooo!**

**Jazz: OMG, cut!**

**(Elita One dies)**

**The End.**

**Not!**

**_Site of Battle_**

**(Autobots and Decepticons are standing in middle of big open field)**

**Ironhide:…Soooooo….do we, like, have a scene or something?**

**Starscream: No idea. Hey, can the femme fly?**

**Chromia: I dunno. Never took the time to find out.**

**Starscream: Well, let's see. (Throws Chromia off of cliff)**

**Ironhide:………..No! She has my Starbucks coupon! (Jumps after her)**

**(Both miss handhold as the props crew forgot to install it)**

**(Both plummet to their deaths)**

**(Optimus rolls up)**

**Optimus: S'up, homies?**

**Starscream: Where's Elita One?**

**Optimus: She, uh….died.**

**Starscream: Oh. Srry, man.**

**Optimus: No, it's…okay. (Takes deep breaths)**

**_At end of Episode_**

**(Optimus is standing with cardboard cut out of Elita One)**

**Optimus: Both of our duties are too important to be missed…so I gotta go now.**

**(Runs over and crouches behind cut out. High pitched voice) Good bye, Optimus Prime! Don't be gone long!**

**(Optimus runs over and gets back on the big fancy spacecraft.)**

**(It flies away)**

**(Long pause)**

**Cardboard cut out of Elita One: (falls over)**

**THE END!**


End file.
